A BEAUTIFUL SOUL

A BEAUTIFUL SOUL

Originally published in Horse Directory, March/ April 2016

By Tom Gumbrecht

Dave was an artist whose medium was music

Dave Jensen had a gift. He had the ability to take what was going on in his mind, heart and soul and put it into an art form to share with us. He was an artist whose medium was music. 


The first time I saw him perform it was at a coffeehouse on the South Shore of Long Island. I arranged to meet Samantha there, who was in her early twenties at the time, back from college, and we weren't always seeing eye to eye. She agreed, somewhat reluctantly, which was understandable for a child who felt obligated to be in the company of a parent whose attitude had not been endearing. 


By the end of Dave’s two sets, we were beginning to get back on track; we were connecting. 
My heart was becoming light and I felt it opening. Dave’s gift was bringing people together, 
and he did so with his music. He made a connection with every person in that room, and in 
doing so connected us all.



Dave had bipolar disorder. He was very open about it, and used it as neither an excuse nor a

Dave's personality brought out the best
in people and horses.

 
free pass but rather to attempt to get others similarly afflicted to identify with him. He spoke of his illness, and how he dealt with it, in a matter-of-fact way, like we riders might speak of a broken finger and how we adapted our riding to it. It wasn't a complaint; it was an exchange of 
information. 


Bipolar disorder is not curable, but its symptoms are treated with medication and therapy. After Dave and I became friends, we discovered another way: horses. He responded to them, and they responded to him. We know that mental illness can carry a stigma, and as humans we 
can become judgmental of those that suffer even if we don't want to. Horses don't respond to stigma because they don't know what it is. They respond to the soul of the person standing next to them, in Dave's case the soul of a person who had the ability to channel life's beauty 
into the language of the heart. That language is exactly what horses understand! We humans got to appreciate it through his music; the horses got it just by being around him. 

Bella is very choosy about her humans, and she
chose Dave.

Many of us are initially attracted to horses through their beauty and power; then if we pursue riding, by what they can do for us. Eventually if we work at it long enough and have it in our hearts, a partnership may evolve and we might be have the privilege of working as teammates toward a common goal. Ultimately, if we are lucky enough, a true relationship might evolve where we can appreciate our horses for who they are rather than what they can do for us.

Dave seemed to never have to evolve like that. From the first day, he appreciated our horses for who they were and was content with merely being in their presence. He immediately “got” what the horses had to offer, an awareness that had taken me years to develop. 


Dave passed away recently and left a hole in our close-knit barn family. Early one recent 
morning I was out in the barn in the company of our horses, making sure that they were fed 
and warm enough to brave the new year's first major snowstorm. Like many days since I got 
the sad news, I was thinking of Dave. He loved it here.


Without meaning any disrespect, that day in the barn I was sad but not devastated. As I 
attempt in my mind to explain myself... my feeling that although I am very sad, I feel he is still 
very much with us and the best parts of him will never leave this barn.... I picture Dave flashing 
a smile and waving me off: "I get it, bro... I get it!" That’s the thing: if you were a person whose 
life was touched by Dave, you know that he made it safe to be and to express exactly who you 
were and what you were feeling at that moment. It was a gift every bit as beautiful as his music.




The world was not always a safe place for Dave but he went out there and faced it anyway

DannyBoy was Dave's favorite horse. He
responded to horses and horses
 responded to him.

 
because that's what he had to do in order to share his gifts. By his unflinching acceptance, he made it a safer place for those of us who struggle with such things, to be ourselves.


What do we call a person who faces danger and in so doing makes things less dangerous for others? Around this barn we call him an inspiration. Dave Jensen will continue to be an inspiration here for as long we have challenges to face and need a beacon of hope. The fuel 
that warms this barn is love, and Dave left our tanks full. 




Explore Dave’s music at www.reverbnation.com/davejensen

A BRIDGE BACK TO LIFE

A BRIDGE BACK TO LIFE (Crossed on Horseback)                                                                       Originally published in Horse Directory,  Jan/Feb 2016

By Tom Gumbrecht

Have you ever experienced a phenomenon where a number of seemingly unrelated chunks of time and events conspire to fall together in place, like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle? Sort of like standing too close to a heavily pixilated image and then all at once becoming aware of an awesome image upon viewing it from the correct distance and perspective. So it was with the story of how horses entered my life and how important a role they ended up playing in it.

Buddy was one of the first horses who helped me to put the pieces of
the puzzle that were my life, back together.

My life and career had been seemingly progressing pretty well when I was in my thirties. I was married to Mary, who was pretty, hardworking, fun and supportive. We bought a house in a neat, beachy community on the north shore of western Suffolk County, had good jobs, travelled and had a lot of cool stuff. As a self-employed trade contractor, I liked to work hard and I liked to play hard and the play time usually included alcohol.

It started out innocuously enough. Drinking was a way to put the worries of business and the responsibilities of being an adult on hold for periods of time in order to let go, have fun and not be consumed by the worries of life. And it worked. For some people, that’s as far as it goes; perhaps an occasional overindulgence at a social event, but nothing to elicit concern. But some of us are wired differently. For some of us, drinking progresses to the point where it no longer facilitates and enhances fun activities… it becomes the activity. When that happens, we might surround ourselves with like-minded people, and in so doing create a new normal- one where frequent overindulgence is not frowned upon nor regaled, it is just accepted.

That is exactly where I found myself at around age forty. The lifestyle was beginning to take its toll, and some incidents shined a light on the problem which I had no choice but to come face-to-face with. I had spent many years trying different methods to drink like a normal person, to no avail. It was confusing, because I was quite successful in dealing with other of life’s problems. The solution to this one, though, remained elusive. The problem was my insistence on finding a way to manage something that to my body, was unmanageable. The answer was a simple one, but not easy: avoid it entirely, a day at a time. That proved much easier said than done of course, because at a point the addiction to alcohol affects us on a physical, mental and spiritual level. When something that had become such a big part of life is removed, something has to take its place. It can be a bad thing or a good thing, but that void will be filled.  For me, that something ended up being horses.

On a day like any other, a few years into my newly sober lifestyle, my phone rang. On the other end was a well known LI Hunter/ Jumper trainer (a fact completely lost on me at the time) who needed a barn rewired. I took the job and found myself utterly fascinated with the horses, horse sports and horse people. Interestingly, during my drinking years I never really found out what made me tick, what I liked, what I was drawn to, where my passions lied. I engaged in hobbies and pursuits that I perceived were cool, or made me look cool, whether or not I was well suited to them. If that ever made me uncomfortable, the alcohol was there to smooth over the feelings.

In my world, horses were perhaps aesthetically pleasing and had a formidable presence and required some skill and courage to master, but they were not cool so I never had given them a second thought. In fact, I didn’t even know anyone who had taken up the pursuit seriously. But an interesting thing happened: In being around them over a period of time, I found a strong emotional attachment to horses, I loved being around them and I could not wait to learn how to ride. I brought my eight year old niece Sam with me and we set out to learn to ride as two green newbies at a barn full of mostly very experienced riders.

Very clumsily at first, I pursued my new riding career with a passion that quickly earned me some credibility in the ring, not due to accomplishments, aptitude or ability but by sheer dedication alone. In the process of learning the technical aspects of riding, I found myself the recipient of a totally unexpected gift: The physical manifestations of my drinking had not caused any permanent damage and were pretty much addressed by the act of stopping alone. The mental aspects required a little more work, which was addressed by learning as much as I could about alcoholism and allowing myself to be put into a position to be supported and to support others. It was the third component, the spiritual one, to which a solution seemed elusive. This was a soul sickness borne of the realization of the extent of the damage that had been done and the denial which had clouded my judgment for so long. It was toward that third, spiritual facet that horses began to fill the hole in my soul that alcohol never could. They held for me the keys to what I now think of as a new freedom and a new happiness.

So, stepping back once again from that fragmented mosaic, I could now see that an awesome plan had been laid out for me, and I had been in the right place at the right time with the willingness to follow it. Spiritual healing was important because as ex-problem drinkers, we find that people, especially those whose lives or the lives of those close to them have not been touched by alcoholism, can view us with suspicion, condescension, judgment and pity, none of which are how anyone wants to be treated. Horses, however, do not care about our past, nor do they care about our worries about the future. They live in the now, and we learn, if we are motivated enough, to live in their world and on their terms. It is from the “now” that we commence to heal, not from any point in the past or future, and a horse can be an ideal partner in the healing process. We learn to be honest because horses respond only to who we truly are and not to the person we pretend to be or think they need us to be. To be accepted simply for who we are creates a feeling of belonging and of having a place in the universe. It is an experience not to be missed.

That picture and the plan represented by it gained a more crystal clarity in the life events that followed in ensuing years. We became parents to our young niece Sam who I had brought to riding lessons with me, after her mother died at a young age. By that time our involvement with horses had increased to the point where we had our own small farm, and our horses were the catalyst which helped the relationship between middle-aged, first-time parents and a young girl who had her life turned upside down, to work.  A regular program of lessons and training led to competitions with Sam enjoying many successes in the jumper ring with her Arabian mare, Bella. Sam and Bella attended a horsey college in the Midwest and returned home with both having grown in their knowledge and abilities. As an empty nester, I entered the show ring with my APHA gelding DannyBoy, having reasonably successful seasons in the eventing field and the jumper ring. Sam has now presented us with a beautiful grandson named Daniel who is a new source of joy and is being raised on our farm with dogs, horses and love.

It was, and is, a beautiful plan which was invisible until my eyes had become clear enough to see and follow it. And it’s not finished yet. The key to happiness, I’ve found, is not creating a constant flow of stimulation and excitement that I once thought it was. The key, for me, is having something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. Horses have provided, and led me to, all three.

Epilogue:

Alcohol can surely be used by many as it was intended to be. When we find that we are having trouble with control, my experience has shown me that by the time that level of awareness is reached, a problem usually exists. If you find that you or someone close to you wants to put some controls on their drinking and can’t, I’m telling you that you are not alone. If help is sought and accepted, no one has to drink who doesn’t want to. The thing is, most of us play with the illusion of control far too long, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Good luck and God bless.

A JOB WITH BENEFITS

A JOB WITH BENEFITS           

Originally published in Horse Directory,  July 2015

By Tom Gumbrecht

I’ll be 62 this month. For some, that means thoughts of retirement, but for me, being self-employed, not so much. I enjoy my work anyway. Still, it has fostered thoughts of what life will be like when the aging process continues it's slow erosion of a body whose work and recreation have been of the physical kind. I've been lucky in that regard, so far.

Sometimes the physical demands of horsekeeping
can be great.

Keeping horses is a physical endeavor, and each year the demands are a little greater, no doubt exacerbated by the harsher winters we seem to have been experiencing. The winter chores are the most difficult, and can seem at times to be an un-winnable battle.

The prospect of one day being on a fixed income brings other concerns about sustaining a horsey lifestyle. Even owning the facilities and doing all of the work ourselves, it's still a significant expense. We've moved on from competing regularly and although we still train, it's for the continual development of horse and rider rather than the clear goals of competition. We do take the horses to the park for trail rides as time and weather permit, but it seems that most of what we do consists of horse care and farm maintenance.

That's the side of the story as might be told by a financial planner, but as we all know, there's more to it than that, and another kind of cost/ benefit analysis:

 I have a reason to wake up early each day. The first hour of every day is spent in a tranquil environment where I am gently but enthusiastically greeted by soft nickers and soft eyes that say “welcome.”

It's said that there is much peace to be found in organization and routine, and that may be part of the reason that I feel so peaceful in the barn. It is one area of my life that is well organized and the routine is familiar.

Much is said about the benefits of living life from the point of view of gratitude; it's kind of the latest pop-psych buzzword. Our barn is a world filled with mutual gratitude that is clearly expressed when I take the

The author, Samantha and DannyBoy introduce
grandbaby Daniel to the world of horses

time to listen. Intentions are clear, and there are no hidden agendas. Actions are the main tools of communication and words are unnecessary. The is no ambiguity here. What you see is what you get. Relationships are easy when you always know where you stand.

I was able to uncover a hidden passion for horses that transcended riding, not to downplay that part. But I discovered within me certain qualities, a patience, a teach-ability if you will, and the willingness to care for ill and injured horses. When a human is sick or injured, my immediate reaction is to call someone equipped to handle it, and take the role of support staff. When an animal is injured, my reaction us to jump in immediately, do what I can, and call for help later if needed. Are my priorities misplaced? I don't know. Theses are qualities that have surfaced that I seem to have been born with, so I attempt to make the most of them.

It's a nice thing to start and end each day with the feeling of accomplishment of clear needs squarely met. It helps to balance the frustrations that daily life and business can sometimes bring. People make extensive plans to attend spiritual retreats in order to connect more closely with a Higher Power, God, the Great Spirit, the Universe or whatever name we wish to give a power greater than ourselves. I have the privilege of living such a retreat daily, at least for a few hours.

Those are some of the line items on my cost/ benefit analysis, understood fully by those fluent in the language of the heart that is spoken in the barn.

Knowing that the horses are securely tucked
in gives a warm feeling.

REAL FREEDOM

REAL FREEDOM                                                                                                                 Originally published in Horse Directory, September, 2014

By Tom Gumbrecht

Bella is affectionate, but on her terms.
She taught us about boundaries to keep our
space safe to be ourselves.

Horses represent freedom to many of us, myself included.  But what my perception of what that freedom actually was has changed significantly over the years.  At first I confused freedom with the exhilaration of a long gallop. After some years, I find that it is quite different now, and it has to do more with communication than anything else. 

 I was once asked a question which had me describe some characteristics of a type of communication that yielded the fewest misunderstandings with a person.  I can’t really remember if I answered it honestly, but I remember thinking “does it have to be a person?” With no disrespect to my fellows humans, that thought came to mind because the communication I have with my horses is remarkably free of many of the pitfalls of verbal communication that we humans frequently rely on.

Lola creates a space where we can feel safe,
loved, and trusted.

Of course it hasn’t always been so. It took many hours, days and years in the saddle and around the stable to learn the language of the horse, and I am definitely still a student.  There were many misunderstandings along the way, some of which ended up damaging ego or bones.  My horses were never at fault; they didn’t have to learn about communicating with me, but if I were to thrive in their world I would have to make the effort to learn their language. It is not a complicated language, yet nothing can substitute for the time and patience required to learn it.  It is a language learned by doing rather than studying. It is the language of truth; the language of what is; the language of intention, not the language of coercion, manipulation, agendas or flattery so common in verbal languages.

As I learned through guidance, trial and error of such things as balance and pressures and

Our horses work to keep their spaces safe for
each other as well as for us. Bella comforts Lola after a
minor injury.

perceptions and feel, a point came where I was to become less concerned about becoming unseated and so was then able to focus more on how my actions were effectively communicating my desires and acknowledging and rewarding compliance.  At its best, it is a language so incredibly pure that a thought becomes a request by an almost unconscious change in pressure of hand, arm, leg or seat, and expressing gratitude for effort and compliance becomes similarly automatic.  At this level, words can sometimes only get in the way of communication, with the natural exception of a “good girl/ boy” which serves to reinforce communication by its inflection, intonation and intention. Horses are pretty good about figuring out what our intentions are.

Our history has seen many great and notorious orators who used words to bridge a gap between what was, and what was perceived. In some cases, the speakers’ goal was to have the listener believe something other than what actually was.  Are great orators great communicators?  Perhaps not always. Not as good as horses, surely. They are surely not automatically great riders!  In the words on Ben Jonson, “They say princes learn no art truly but the art of horsemanship.  The reason for this is because the noble beast is no flatterer.  He will throw a prince as soon as his groom.”

DannyBoy, a physical giant if not a spiritual one,
provides needed comic relief lest things get too serious.

When people use words to manipulate facts about the past and perceptions about the future, it can exhaust us and make us very skeptical of navigating society.  Our horses exist only in the “now” and communicate only in truth.  They know no other way.  That’s why so many of us see them as a reprieve from the sometimes confusing, sometimes harsh world.  When we become free of the need to act in constant defense of being manipulated, we can begin to be free to be ourselves.

And that’s the real freedom we get from horses, and why I do things that people sometimes don’t understand in order to preserve my relationship with them.

EQUINE GUIDED MEDITATION: When Your Horse Whispers to You...

EQUINE GUIDED MEDITATION:

When Your Horse Whispers To You..     

    

Originally published in Horse Directory, August 2014

By Tom Gumbrecht

Bella is affectionate, but on her terms. She
teaches us to create and respect boundaries
to keep our space safe to be ourselves

I have been known to elicit an uneasy, forced smile or two when describing my horses as meditation facilitators.  I understand, as meditation was once, to me, part of a hocus-pocus world of learned men with a hyper-developed spirituality that I didn’t see myself fitting into.  I have since revised that opinion.

It is often said to fledgling students of spirituality that where prayer is asking a question of, or petitioning a higher power, meditation is listening for the answer.  The rub, many of us find, is creating the space in which our minds can become quiet enough to hear those answers when they are proffered.

I have been fortunate to have had my eyes opened wide enough to discover that environment, forty steps from the back door of our home.  In the barn, often after the evening feeding, I will

Lola helps to create a space where we feel safe, loved
and trusted.

unfold a chair and sit under the ceiling fan and perhaps read a paragraph or two from a book of daily readings that always help to stimulate reflection.  The soft summer sounds of stall fans, crickets, and the methodical munching of hay waft through the gentle breeze and pull me into a simpler time and a comfort that I knew more intimately in my youth.

With my horses surrounding me, I feel needed, trusted, loved and appreciated.  We never have misunderstandings because we don’t use words to communicate.  It is the safest place I know, and it always seems that my mind can open up there because it not busy defending itself from anything.

It has made itself ready to accept direction from the universe and no matter the size of the perplexing problem of the day, the answers, it seems, always come.

Have I slipped over the edge and now taken to deifying my horses?  I don’t think so, but I do believe that a force in the universe, by whatever name we individually like to call such a power, provided me with horses as a way to open a path of communication with that force.  This is just another of the many unexpected gifts I have received since making a commitment fifteen years ago to take three riding lessons which I thought at the time was a reasonable investment to become a horse riding expert!

My ignorance at the time was a gift, because had I been even minutely aware of the degree to which horses would ultimately take over my life, I would have been afraid to pursue it. I would not

Our horses work to keep their space safe for each
other as well as for us. Bella comforts Lola after a  mild injury.

have been able to commit to something that I had known would ultimately change the whole fiber of my being, even though it was for the better.  What I could commit to was three riding lessons.

Lessons went from frustrating to rewarding, which led to more lessons, which led to discovering different disciplines and even more lessons.  Rather than “graduating” from riding lessons, I found that the more knowledge and experience I acquired, it served more to highlight the scope of what I still didn’t know.  My own experiences mirrored what I was to later read in this popular quote:

“Riding horses is not a gentle hobby to be picked up and laid down like a game of solitaire.  It is a grand passion.  It seizes a person whole, and once it has done so he/she will have to accept that his life will be radically changed.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

It took time to accept of the role of my horses in developing my spiritual self as even more important than their role in transportation, recreation or competition.  The time was well spent.  In my barn, I have a peaceful mind.  I believe that what is meant for me, I will find. My horses have created the environment where that is possible.

 

DannyBoy, a physical giant if not a spiritual one, provides needed comic relief lest things get too serious...

A MATTER OF TRUST

A MATTER OF TRUST

Originally published in Horse Directory,                                                               December 2013

By Tom Gumbrecht

I guess we all believe that we know about trust. I know I did. But until I began my journey with horses, I didn't realize how much I had to learn. I was of course familiar with the Webster definition:

Trust

n. Reliance on the truth, character, ability or strength of someone or something.

v. To place confidence in.

 

Early lessons in trust taught by Laura Ruben,
trainer, and OTTB Lola

From the beginning of my equestrian pursuits, I was forever being told to "trust my horse." Looking back, I had but little trust and it showed, mainly in my hands. I had what many a trainer called "the death grip." I didn't think I had the death grip. I thought I had a firm grip, and that a firm grip was warranted. It was the same grip I had used years ago in sailing my boat in a squall, and landing an airplane in a crosswind. A firm grip. A very, very firm grip.

But horses are not objects or machines to be controlled, they are parters with whom we collaborate. The casual observer could not have known that for me, the mere act of getting on a horse required a tremendous amount of faith. I loved horses and wanted more than anything to learn not only to ride them but to someday jump in competition. Fear held me back. I was scared of getting physically hurt, but I was perhaps more scared of falling short, of not being able to cut it as a middle aged beginner. I had enough faith in the person who put me on my first horse to allay some of my fears. From that faith developed trust. I chose to have faith in the person who said that I was going to be all right, and began to trust once I actually was, relatively, all right.

For much of my life, I thought that trust was one of those "nice-to-have" things that developed or didn't develop over time. Nice when it comes, but also okay if it doesn't. The extent to which trust developed or didn't develop merely changed the dynamics of the relationship. In taking up riding, I was to learn a different way to think..

In the pursuit of competence in riding, I found, for myself, that trust is a requirement in order to get past a level of mediocrity. My mind had been toying with that concept for a while, when a well-accomplished rider told me during a chance meeting in a discussion about training that one of the biggest problems he observed was students riding with trainers who they did not trust. "If you can't trust your trainer 100%, find a new one" was how he put it.  He sort of rocked my world.

In riding, I had always thought of trust in terms of trusting my horse. But his point made perfect sense. In attempting to make progress in riding, we are constantly asked to leave our comfort zone. If there is not full trust in the person doing the asking, I will question the request, perhaps doubting the person's knowledge, intent, caring or motivation. Once that happens, even a little bit, the process shifts from "listen-execute" to "listen-evaluate-analyze-judge-agonize-possibly execute." Not the pathway to success for a rider. It's much too complicated, while mounted and attempting to execute a challenging maneuver, to be second guessing the person who is teaching me. Once I do, the opportunity to be effective has passed, the horse is confused, I am disheartened and the trainer is frustrated.

Experiences like that sometimes caused me to question my ability to even learn. Perhaps I was too old, too uncoordinated, too egocentric. I thought that maybe things that I struggled with were incredibly complex and it was just beyond my ability to comprehend. Actually all that was missing was that I had not learned to trust. Once that changed, everything changed. Two words changed everything for me, once I trusted enough to believe them: "You're fine!" She feels like she wants to buck. "You're fine. You can ride out a buck." She's really building up speed. "You're fine. You know how to handle it." What if she stops at a fence again? "You're fine. You have a good seat." What if she drops a shoulder at the canter? "You're fine. You ride with your shoulders back and your heels down so nothing will happen" What was THAT? Multiple bucks, a spin, and the drop of a shoulder!! "Congratulations. You have just seen the absolute worst this horse has to offer, I promise you. And you survived. From now on, anything this horse does will at best please you or at worst amuse you because there is nothing she can do that you can't handle."

Powerful words, that I learned to actually believe. In a safe and supportive learning environment, I learned to trust my trainer 100% of the time, and my horse 90% of the time. We are working on the remaining 10%, but we are worlds away from where we once were, when I trusted only my own judgment and believed that everything required my utmost scrutiny.

The payoff comes in the form of a huge grin whenever I ride my off-the racetrack Thoroughbred mare Lola over a short course of fences in nothing but a halter and slack lead rope. She needed me to trust her enough to let her be the magnificent horse that she is. She couldn't do that with me wanting to be in control of her every freedom of movement. Who could?

In the past, I had feared a struggle, and my attempt to control something that had not yet happened actually created that which I had feared. It makes me wonder how many other things in life I had created or at least facilitated by my perceived need to control and my inability to trust.

Magnificence, it turns out, does not flourish in a stranglehold. On a horse or anywhere. This is a lesson that I could learn only from a horse. Silently uttered by every horse everywhere, and available for reference whenever we are ready, is much wisdom:

"To enter my world you must trust me with your heart.

To trust me so deeply you must first trust yourself.

For where we travel with our spirits entwined,

Will be on a path of trust.." - Anonymous

Archived stories are available at tcgequine.blogspot.com Email us at tcgequine@gmail.com, Tweet us @tcgelec, or friend us on Facebook.com/TomGumbrecht. Our gregarious Paint gelding, DannyBoy, is on Facebook also: facebook.com/TheWorldAccordingToDannyBoy

THERAPISTS ON FOUR HOOVES

THERAPISTS ON FOUR HOOVES

Originally published in Horse Directory, November, 2013

by Tom Gumbrecht


The other day I read with interest, followed by deep sadness, about a young girl in Canada named Lacey Jamieson who was an accomplished equestrian. To watch her riding or just interacting with her horses was to understand what the horse-human bond was all about. She had, more than I had before witnessed, attained the oneness between horse and rider that is the stuff of horsey dreams.

Lacey Jamieson (RIP) Her confidence radiated;
she continues to inspire...

That was not, however, Lacey's claim to fame. Lacey Jamieson was also gifted with the ability to take her love of horses and riding and put it into words so as to spread it as joy via her daily postings to tens of thousands of devoted followers on the social media site Instagram. Though still in high school, she offered sage advice and support to other students as well as young adults who found themselves facing some of life's toughest challenges. One of her frequent topics was bullying.

Having experienced bullying herself, she well knew the fear, low self-worth and depression that can accompany its victims on their daily journey. Lacey fought that off by throwing herself into her interactions with her horses. Last weekend, Lacey passed away suddenly as the result of a rare and undiagnosed blood disorder. It hurt my heart even though I never knew her, and I wanted to find out more about her.

In doing so, I uncovered a flood tide of love, respect and gratitude being shared in the moment, by some of her 60,000+ Instagram fans. And it made me think about how our horses are so perfectly adapted to assisting in the treatment of victims of things like bullying.

Diana O'Donnell of PonyStrides

No stranger to the value of the horse as therapist, my thoughts went to Pony Strides, the amazing and tireless effort of longtime friend Diana O'Donnell and the H.E.A.L.S. program (Hope with Equine Alternative Life Solutions) which I have not only observed but benefitted from personally.

Diana has championed the concept of using equines (in this case two miniature horses named QJ and Cooper) in a unique anti-bullying program which she offers in collaboration with Long Island school districts.  The minis facilitate activities and exercises stressing communication, team building, leadership and other qualities.

Inexplicably sometimes, the equines' mere presence can create a safe environment to talk about things that students would not normally talk about in groups of their peers, things like feelings, needing and offering support, and giving and receiving positive feedback in the roles they execute in the team exercises.

One such breakthrough witnessed at a recent session of intermediate school students saw two groups who would not ordinarily mix collaborate on an exercise with one of the miniature horses. The minis demanded that the participants communicate effectively with one another in order to successfully execute it. One student's reaction to the change precipitated by working closely toward a common goal with someone outside of their clique:

"We may not start hanging out together, but when we pass each other in the hall, we will know

QJ, Frankie, Cooper & Jamie

that we have each others' backs."

Indeed. A statement eloquent in its simplicity, which illustrates perfectly the effectiveness of the program.

For those of us no longer of school age, we know that everyone's life can be affected by bullying to one degree or another. It might be from a boss, a client, a government agency or anyone that holds some small authority over any little area of our lives. Everyone is susceptible. Speaking from my own experience, here are a few of the ways in which I have observed how horses can help both the bully and the bullied:

1) People who have been hurt tend to hurt other people. Horses tend to take away the hurt, just by being who they are: understanding, non-judgmental, loyal, and loving.

2) A characteristic of bullies can be false bravado. Horses respond to the true nature of a person, not who a person pretends to be. To be loved by a horse requires only for you to be who you are. They reward authenticity.

3) Horses are big! Nothing like having a big friend when dealing with a bully! Seriously, since they are so much bigger and stronger than we are, successful interaction with horses requires effective communication as opposed to threats and aggression. A new set of skills must be learned.

4) Horses respect deeply those who show respect to them. Being respected can be life-changing.  For some, both the bully and the bullied, it may be the first time respect has been experienced in a long while.

5) When handled with confidence, horses can be supremely confident. When we learn the skills to interact confidently with a horse, we become a member of a formidable team that exudes confidence. We do not leave that confidence at the stable, we bring it with us. And when we do, we are less attractive as a target for bullies.

Having a best friend that's huge is helpful!

Having that one special friend can make all the difference in matters of self-esteem, and self-esteem can make all the difference in the opportunities that life offers us. For myself, I love having horses as friends. It has changed the course of my life and brought only a positive influence to all of my human interactions. Robert Duncan said it best, in his "Ode to the Horse:"

"Where in this world can you find
Friendship without envy
Beauty without vanity
Nobility without conceit
A willing partner yet no slave..."

I find it every day one hundred steps from my back door in a stable I have the privilege of sharing with some of my very best friends.

Archived stories are available on www.tcgequine.blogspot.com. Visit us on Facebook: Tom Gumbrecht
To find out more about Diana O'Donnell and her innovative programs at Pony Strides, visit www.ponystrides.com

Crystelle Salimbene with Bella. She is gifted with
with an ability to communicate effectively
with horses..

THE MAKING OF A MAN

THE MAKING OF A MAN

Originally published in Horse Directory,                                                OCTOBER 2013

By Tom Gumbrecht

It's not unusual to read about how life with horses can help to develop many positive character traits in young people. I can bear witness to that concept, having read and even written about some amazing transformations observed from the vantage point of the horse barn. But this really isn't about young people. 

From the time that I was a child I, like most young boys, became aware of that largely

"Courage is being scared to death, and saddling up anyway"
John Wayne

undefinable but very real quality known as "being a man," and set out on a convoluted journey to achieve it. It began with smoking, drinking with the guys, and building fast cars. It progressed to things like working in construction, flying airplanes, learning to jump out of them, extreme off-roading; always finding new ways to indulge in risk taking to a degree that I hoped would earn me that elusive title. But as much I pursued it, it always seemed to stay just out of reach.

I met the first horse I would eventually ride, Circus, while on an electrical construction project at a Long Island show barn. I became quite attracted to the horse, the riding, and horse people. It didn't fit the mold of what I decided was "manly" but two things happened: 1) I was developing a passion for horses and horsemanship to a degree that it would not be derailed by preconceived notions and 2) I had gotten a little older (ok, a lot older) and didn't care as much how people perceived me.

It was as if I had given up on my pursuit of the ultimate manly activity in order to follow the path on which my heart was taking me. In doing so, I discovered completely new definitions of what it was to be a man, as taught to me in what would ultimately become my own barn and by my own small herd of horses.

I learned the difference between controlling and cooperating. Airplanes are to be controlled,

The author's OTTB mare, Lola. Partners, not master and servant.

and that's what my life was about at the time I was actively flying them. Horses are about cooperation, I was to learn, sometimes painfully. Imposing my own will only works for a little while, with horses.

I learned how it is to truly put the needs of another being above my own. I had payed lip service to the concept in the past, but never owned it. I learned powerlessness and what it feels like to just do the best I can, without any knowledge of what the ultimate result will be. I learned how to let go when letting go was the right thing to do.

I learned that "my way or the highway" does not fly with horses, and in learning that, I learned that it does not work very well with the humans in my life either. I learned, to a large extent, to ignore transgressions and not take them personally, and to be generous in rewarding when compliance is attempted. 

I had sought out experiences to make me appear aggressive and brave, as I thought those were the makings of a man. The horse does not care how you appear, for he knows what lurks in your soul and responds to only that. In horsemanship, we become honest or fail. I

DannyBoy taught me the ways of the horse.

was taught all about honesty by these beings that live in a world that knows no other way, and found that total honesty in dealing with others requires more courage than aggression or threats.

I wanted to excel in my horsemanship, and in doing so I was forced to live in their world, the world of the here and now. Moving forward required letting go of the past and not obsessing about the future, and I eventually had to learn a new way if I were to achieve that elusive oneness with my horse.

I learned to be playful and silly with these giant playmates who required no mind altering substances to facilitate it, and I learned to take time for the things I loved. I discovered that if you are lucky enough to uncover and pursue a passion in life, then you are lucky enough. 

Most of all, I rediscovered my belief that there is a power greater than myself, and horses are all the evidence I need that he wants me to be happy. To aid me in my struggle, he used horses to help me to become the man he wanted me to be.

Archived stories are available at tcgequine.blogspot.com.  Visit us on Facebook: Tom Gumbrecht and Twitter: @tcgelec  Email us at tcgequine@gmail.com. 

PROFILE: L.D. NORSK, ESW

PROFILE: L.D. NORSK, ESW   

Originally published in Horse Directory,                                                September 2103

by Tom Gumbrecht

Bella checks her appointment calendar...

L.D., as in La Dorada. La Dorada Norsk. That's what the name on the paper says, although we know her around the barn as "Bella." A horse of letters, ESW in Bella's case stands for "Equine Social Worker."

You need not know if Bella participates in your insurance plan, because she dispenses her brand of psychology free of charge. You will however be subject to a pre-session screening by the studied mare herself:

First, you must demonstrate that you can put aside any preconceived notions of therapy you may

The doctor will see you now...

foster, including any reservations about working with a therapist who appears to want to bite you. She doesn't really want to bite you, but may appear to if you fail to respect her space, respect her qualifications or attempt to move the relationship forward at a pace not of her own choosing.

It is well-reported that the latest musings in Psychology Today reinforce the belief that the best psychologists offer no advice at all; they merely listen and empower you to find your own solution. You will find in your session with Bella (she prefers to be called Bella) that she will indeed offer no advice at all. You may talk for as long as you need to, and she will listen, riveted to your every word. Or you can not talk at all and she will understand anyway. Your choice.

Second, you must attain a degree of humility before being accepted into a session. You must understand the value of being chosen by a horse who does not choose everyone. Being chosen by Bella is in itself an empowering phenomenon; whatever you are going through, this horse has gone through more and come out the other side intact. To be trusted enough to be accepted into her world is a thrill, a privilege and an honor.

So much for doctor- patient confidentiality...

We recently observed the session of a friend who returned to see Dr. Bella after life hurled a series of challenges his way. He had experienced several of life's more injurious setbacks concurrently and his first informal session (he had stopped by as I was mucking stalls) was understandably focused almost entirely outward, which is what we do in an attempt to seek comfort in blaming others for the predicaments we find ourselves in. Our friend was experiencing feelings of low self-worth and Bella went to work to rebuild that shattered image. As he was not yet able to look inwardly, he missed a lot of what was being proffered at the time. But at the core he knew that being in the presence of the mare eased the pain; he just hadn't as yet acknowledged it.

He sensed there was medicine in that barn though, and asked to return with a new awareness of the power a horse can have to heal simply by demonstrating their acceptance. This time, his reflections included seeing his part in the losses he had recently suffered, which is an important step and a necessary one before healing can begin. There was a calmness displayed where despair and hopelessness had once resided. Bella rewarded and reinforced his new insight by keeping her nose pressed into his chest for extended periods of time during his soul-bearing dissertation. She made it safe for him to take ownership of his problems.

Her silent counsel seemed to convey, "I am a creature many times more powerful than you. I am neither politically correct nor a people pleaser. Some might say I am blunt. But I am honest. I choose when and who to lend my time and my support to. And I have chosen you."   

The only thing better than being chosen by a horse, is perhaps bearing witness to the power a horse has to transform the life of another.